forgive me father, for i have sinned. i have committed the (hopefully forgivable, please?) sin of impure thought. the blame, oh lord, is partly on you though to be honest. no offense or anything, i’m sure you didn’t mean to lead me astray in such an uncouth manner, but really, did you have to make jesus so hot? you picked the gene pool excellently, I’ve got to give it to you. not that I knew him personally- though i wish i had, for slightly different reasons than most of the christian population. but I have seen him depicted, oh lord, in great works of art. and that film with that guy from casualty in. who isn’t so hot anymore, regrettably, otherwise he’d have done nicely. i’m sure the real thing has aged much better, probably become what we on earth like to call a silver fox.
you see, as you probably know, being omnipotent and all, i love a bit of a beard. not a craig david beard, that’s a little too vain for me, but a good, shaggy unkempt beard. or at least some stubble. jesus is ticking all the right boxes in the beard department- bushy enough to look like he doesn’t care, but not so bushy that he’ll be picking out crunchy nut cornflakes from breakfast hours ago, during at the last supper. i’m also rather partial to a good mane of hair. not braid-it-and-hang-it-out-of-a-tower length, but long enough. just about jesus length really.
i figure he’s probably a bit of a hippy, too, your son. what with the sandals and robes and giving back to the community and such. if he was still around today (which he may well be for all I know…) he’d probably be voting green and recycling his quorn or whatever it is those hippies do these days. i’d steam him some brown rice if he came over for tea. i think he’d like that.
anyway, lord, i hope you don’t mind that i… appreciate your son’s beauty. and, well, if he’s ever around… maybe you could pass on my number. or y’know, he could just facebook me or whatever. thanks. oh, and amen.